Metathesiophobia

(n): Fear of Change.

Metathesiophobia is the fear of changes that is usually accompanied by uncontrollable anxiety. Symptomps include breathlessness, excessive sweating, nausea, dry mouth, feeling sick, shaking, heart palpitations, inability to speak or think clearly, a fear of dying, becoming mad or losing control, a sensation of detachment from reality or a full blown anxiety attack.

This fear severely reduces your will to continue in life, sometimes you may feel like you have no control in life and may want to end it. You constantly look back on the past and wish it would come back, but you know it won't, you are willing to do anything to go back, you fill yourself up with false hope and kose faith in life.

Bottom line, you don't want to go out from your comfort zone. You don't want any change in it.

I just listened to Max and Kurt's cover from Ed sheeran "Give Me Love". Such a touching song. I always love Kurt's cover because most of them are so good and I just can't stop listen to it. Beside, both Max and Kurt has such an amazing voice (and face, heheh). It would be so amazing if they go on Asia Tour and visit Indonesia. I will definitely watch their show :)

Anyway, I just found out that Max had new song. I'm super late. But....but....but....his new song is so beautiful *yes, like you babe :)*

*ps: another heartbreaking part from Glee....

So....I get it now, we're not breaking but we just setting each other free, right? I always knew you have a good heart and you would do anything to please everyone. Thank you. Now you are free like a bird :)

Dear........F.R.I.E.N.D

Technically, it's not that far. We still in the same city but I feel like we're separated so far. It's like you're on the other side of the world. Maybe it's just because of many obstacles we had (or have).

I remember I tweeted this a long time ago. And I know I don't deserve to say things like this to you right now or maybe forever, but as a friend, a really really good friend (I hope), I just wanted to say..........

"So I send you a smile in form of a crescent moon to accompany you tonight. Have a great night luvsss♥☺"

I don't know if it's already crescent or still half moon, but......who cares. I just wanted to say things like this to you again. I hope you don't mind. It's just a nice simple thing to say to a good friend, anyway :)

So last friday, my friends and I went to puncak for 3 days. It was one of the unforgettable moment ever in my life. Along the way, we sang and lauged *not until we cried*. We stopped for a moment for a quick dinner.....and of course took some pictures.

Safe and sound..........and more pictures.........and horror movie

Special for Firinka. Good night, Finka

And good morning world...... 

Introducing, Rokris's leader:

So, the boys were crazy about playing Uno cards, they've decided to bet. Each and every person who play it must do stuff such as wash the dishes, cook and cleaning the Villa. And for some reasons, they took it very seriously :). 

This is what happen when all bathrooms were full (´._.`)\('́o'̀ )...... 

 I wanna party and bull...........

Meet Vermes, Encays new pet: 

Introducing, our recent president of student council:

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom☺☺☺ -Marcel Proust-

Bit too late, well around a week late but.........it's official. Half year we spent together, like you said "half isn't short. Half is such a long journey. We've been through some rough time. I made some mistakes and so are you. But we still able to manage it very well *I guess*. Sorry for every mistakes that I've done, after all we are just human being, right?

Well have a great day luvssss♥♥♥ :)

*ps: I know it's a bit cheesy, but....who cares? we don't :)*

Yesterday was pretty much the fastest suprise birthday ever. I mean, it took only around 45 minutes or an Hour. Thank God around his house there are plenty of stores that sells stuff we needed at that time.

     

His lovable cat, Oggy

Once again, Happy Birthday Cays. Sorry for messing with your house and your agenda with your buddy yesterday.

*ps: Take care of that little kitty Finka and I named "Finka and Deva" yesterday would you? Deva's the one with yellow, black and white fur and Finka's the one with black and has many (just say) moustache. Many thankssss. DON'T FORGET TO FEED AND PLAY WITH THEM*

Dear all,

I'm so sorry I'm the way I am.

I'm sorry that I push everyone away.

I'm sorry that I don't say much.

I'm sorry that I'm so difficult to figure out.

Too complicated for people to stay around.

Maybe that's why everyone ends up leaving me.

It has to be me.

I'm just sorry, I don't know why I'm like this honestly.

And I don't know how to change it.

I'm sorry that when you talk, I'm just silent.

Maybe I'm too caught up.

It's just beautiful when people speak, you know.

I get lost in your words and eyes.

I love listening.

I'd much rather listen than talk.

It probably seems like I don't care.

But maybe I care to much.

I'm so lost, I forget to speak.

But trust me, there's so much I want to say.

Maybe, hopefully I'll share it with you.

So please don't leave me.

Life's just lovely.

I don't know how to express that to you, or anyone in fact.

But I'm so sorry, I don't want to be weird.

My silence is speaking to you.

You probably don't understand that.

Just don't leave me.

Talk some more.

I'm listening :)

by Khloe Swan


So as usual, my ritual every friday night: open tumblr and just scroll up and down. You just always *well not always* find something that suits your feelings at the moment. Mine? as you can see from the some sort of poem or a letter above, kinda suits how I feel at the moment.

At some point I wanted to just give up and cry on the corner of the room, but then I realize "who cares if I'm crying anyway? It's like nobody caresif you're miserable, so I might as well be happy and pretend nothing bothers me". But you know what? it sucks being good all the time. People will keep on hurting you, maybe not physically but emotionally without feeling guilty.

So bottom line is, that's why when I'm sad or have something that bothers me I rarely tell that to anyone. Because to be honest I have a trust-issues. I'm so scared if I tell my secrets to someone who I thought I could trust but then he/she didn't keep it as a personal secret but as a public secret.

In the end, all I can say is sorry for not telling the truth about my own problems, secrets or anything else about me. I intend to keep it for myself. Forever