Movember

Lay down a list of what is wrong

The things you've told him all along

Pray to God, he hears you

And pray to God, he hears you

And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

As I read from Damnitstrue timeline:

"Goodbye October. Hello November. Goodbye Heartbreak. Hello Love"

I don't know what to say. Its like everything turned out to be so wrong no matter how hard I try to do it right. Its just so "un-fix-able". I want to know things but at the same time, I know I shouldn't try to find out about that thing because it'll only make things worse. To myself and to others. It's the risk I should take.

But sometimes its better for you to know nothing and feel happy than you know everything and it breaks you piece by piece. But it is so hard to just pretend like you don't care and don't want to know certain things. Its just hard. It can be done, but its hard. Its hard.

Pluviophile

You see live is a crazy thing

There'll be good time and there'll be bad times

And eveything in between

And I don't know which way it's gonna go

(n): A lover of rain; Someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days.

Who doesn't love rain? It makes the weather cooler, the sound of it sometimes makes you feel peace and happy (well that's what I feel). Some people even take advantage of rain for them to cry so that nobody would see them in their lowest point. The smell of pavement or garden after rain are so good that you would never had enough of it.

Rain is nice.
But not stormy rain.
Not even a rain from you eyes.....

Badadidum Badadum.....

When I had you to myself, I didn't want you around

Those pretty faces always made you stand out in a crowd

But someone picked you from the bunch, one glance was all it took

Now it's much too late for me to take a second look...

People change right? They change their interests, their looks, their attitude toward others, they change as much as they could to make things better. Sometimes they change it to forget about their past. They often said "I don't care" or "I don't give a s***" about someone or something just to get over it real quick.

Everything's change.

Why can't I?

*Ps:

A Year

"What would I do without you?"

I guess you'll be alright. You'll be fine.

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

So,...........

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?

But I'm really happy to see that you're doing well. I really do hope that you're happy now, forever, and always :)

"I hope one day somebody loves you so much that they see violets in the bags under your eyes, sunset in the downward arch of your lips. That they recognize you as something green, something fresh and still growing, even if sometimes you are growing sideways. That they do not waste their time trying to fix you."
-tristamateer-

Come Back and Haunt Me

People said "A girl's favorite songs will tell you more about how she feels than her lips ever will" :)

There's this poem and its probably define what happen right now.....

Love Lost

by Lang Leav

There is one who you belong to,

whose love-there is no song for.

And though you know it's wrongful,

there is someone else you long for.

Your heart was once a vessel,

it was filled up to the brim;

until the day he left you,

now everything sings of him.

Of the two who come to love you,

to one your heart, you gave.

He lives in stars above you-

in the love who come and stayed.

Oh Sweet Lorraine

A 96-year-old Illinois man wrote a song about his wife of 75 years and when he sent the heart-wrenching ode into a singer-songwriter contest, they decided to produce it for him. When Fred Stobaugh talks about his wife Lorraine now, it's hard for him to hold back tears after the life they led together he says was 'like a dream.' After she died, he was sitting alone in the Peoria home they once shared and for the first time in his life he decided to write a song. It just fit her,'

This video is like the sweetest thing by far. I literally got teary eyes watching it. So beautiful :')

Metathesiophobia

(n): Fear of Change.

Metathesiophobia is the fear of changes that is usually accompanied by uncontrollable anxiety. Symptomps include breathlessness, excessive sweating, nausea, dry mouth, feeling sick, shaking, heart palpitations, inability to speak or think clearly, a fear of dying, becoming mad or losing control, a sensation of detachment from reality or a full blown anxiety attack.

This fear severely reduces your will to continue in life, sometimes you may feel like you have no control in life and may want to end it. You constantly look back on the past and wish it would come back, but you know it won't, you are willing to do anything to go back, you fill yourself up with false hope and kose faith in life.

Bottom line, you don't want to go out from your comfort zone. You don't want any change in it.

I just listened to Max and Kurt's cover from Ed sheeran "Give Me Love". Such a touching song. I always love Kurt's cover because most of them are so good and I just can't stop listen to it. Beside, both Max and Kurt has such an amazing voice (and face, heheh). It would be so amazing if they go on Asia Tour and visit Indonesia. I will definitely watch their show :)

Anyway, I just found out that Max had new song. I'm super late. But....but....but....his new song is so beautiful *yes, like you babe :)*

*ps: another heartbreaking part from Glee....

So....I get it now, we're not breaking but we just setting each other free, right? I always knew you have a good heart and you would do anything to please everyone. Thank you. Now you are free like a bird :)

Dear........F.R.I.E.N.D

Technically, it's not that far. We still in the same city but I feel like we're separated so far. It's like you're on the other side of the world. Maybe it's just because of many obstacles we had (or have).

I remember I tweeted this a long time ago. And I know I don't deserve to say things like this to you right now or maybe forever, but as a friend, a really really good friend (I hope), I just wanted to say..........

"So I send you a smile in form of a crescent moon to accompany you tonight. Have a great night luvsss♥☺"

I don't know if it's already crescent or still half moon, but......who cares. I just wanted to say things like this to you again. I hope you don't mind. It's just a nice simple thing to say to a good friend, anyway :)

So last friday, my friends and I went to puncak for 3 days. It was one of the unforgettable moment ever in my life. Along the way, we sang and lauged *not until we cried*. We stopped for a moment for a quick dinner.....and of course took some pictures.

Safe and sound..........and more pictures.........and horror movie

Special for Firinka. Good night, Finka

And good morning world...... 

Introducing, Rokris's leader:

So, the boys were crazy about playing Uno cards, they've decided to bet. Each and every person who play it must do stuff such as wash the dishes, cook and cleaning the Villa. And for some reasons, they took it very seriously :). 

This is what happen when all bathrooms were full (´._.`)\('́o'̀ )...... 

 I wanna party and bull...........

Meet Vermes, Encays new pet: 

Introducing, our recent president of student council:

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom☺☺☺ -Marcel Proust-

Bit too late, well around a week late but.........it's official. Half year we spent together, like you said "half isn't short. Half is such a long journey. We've been through some rough time. I made some mistakes and so are you. But we still able to manage it very well *I guess*. Sorry for every mistakes that I've done, after all we are just human being, right?

Well have a great day luvssss♥♥♥ :)

*ps: I know it's a bit cheesy, but....who cares? we don't :)*

Yesterday was pretty much the fastest suprise birthday ever. I mean, it took only around 45 minutes or an Hour. Thank God around his house there are plenty of stores that sells stuff we needed at that time.

     

His lovable cat, Oggy

Once again, Happy Birthday Cays. Sorry for messing with your house and your agenda with your buddy yesterday.

*ps: Take care of that little kitty Finka and I named "Finka and Deva" yesterday would you? Deva's the one with yellow, black and white fur and Finka's the one with black and has many (just say) moustache. Many thankssss. DON'T FORGET TO FEED AND PLAY WITH THEM*

Dear all,

I'm so sorry I'm the way I am.

I'm sorry that I push everyone away.

I'm sorry that I don't say much.

I'm sorry that I'm so difficult to figure out.

Too complicated for people to stay around.

Maybe that's why everyone ends up leaving me.

It has to be me.

I'm just sorry, I don't know why I'm like this honestly.

And I don't know how to change it.

I'm sorry that when you talk, I'm just silent.

Maybe I'm too caught up.

It's just beautiful when people speak, you know.

I get lost in your words and eyes.

I love listening.

I'd much rather listen than talk.

It probably seems like I don't care.

But maybe I care to much.

I'm so lost, I forget to speak.

But trust me, there's so much I want to say.

Maybe, hopefully I'll share it with you.

So please don't leave me.

Life's just lovely.

I don't know how to express that to you, or anyone in fact.

But I'm so sorry, I don't want to be weird.

My silence is speaking to you.

You probably don't understand that.

Just don't leave me.

Talk some more.

I'm listening :)

by Khloe Swan


So as usual, my ritual every friday night: open tumblr and just scroll up and down. You just always *well not always* find something that suits your feelings at the moment. Mine? as you can see from the some sort of poem or a letter above, kinda suits how I feel at the moment.

At some point I wanted to just give up and cry on the corner of the room, but then I realize "who cares if I'm crying anyway? It's like nobody caresif you're miserable, so I might as well be happy and pretend nothing bothers me". But you know what? it sucks being good all the time. People will keep on hurting you, maybe not physically but emotionally without feeling guilty.

So bottom line is, that's why when I'm sad or have something that bothers me I rarely tell that to anyone. Because to be honest I have a trust-issues. I'm so scared if I tell my secrets to someone who I thought I could trust but then he/she didn't keep it as a personal secret but as a public secret.

In the end, all I can say is sorry for not telling the truth about my own problems, secrets or anything else about me. I intend to keep it for myself. Forever

Related to the picture above, yes I feel a little bit lonely. Unaccompany. Solo. It's because I feel like I'm losing all of my friends. They just slowly gaoing away and I'm starting to feel like a hollowman, or in this case......hollow-woman 'cause you know, I'm a woman. Well, not yet a full woman, but........

Anyway, getting down to bussines. I can't take this any longer. Just gonna spill it out here because to be honest, I'm a little afraid to say this to "someone".

First of all.....

Bitch please, why do you hate me? It seems like everything I did always looks wrong in your eyes. You only act "friendly" *and I'm seriously wanted to puke right now* to me when you really urgently need my help. Thank God I'm such a nice person and patient enough to deal with something like you and also loves to help you because they said "Treat others the way you want to be treated". But remember this: I'm not forever going to treat you nicely, savy?. And btw, go fuck yourself! You never treat me the way I treated you, so why should I keep on treating you like a freakin queen and king? I'm not your maid and your not the boss of me. Last time I checked, I wasnt born to pleased you. I mean, yeah you helped me once or twice but the way you helped me......you're not serious about it. Looks like you're just "oh, she needs help. I'll help her. *5 minutes later* aah, she's good on her own, I'll leave her then"..........dafuq???? Is that the way you treated your friend? Are we really friends? Or you only see me as a "person you know but not your friend" get it? Like when you met someone's new and they introduce themself and you're like "oh I know their name, k then I'll leave"..........what the?!?!.

Second...........

You totally hate it when we blame you everytime you make mistakes and you can't take it when you know you're wrong. But you seriously love it when its time for you to blame others when they make mistakes, and its hard for you to just forgive them. I mean, picture it like this:

A made mistake, and B will talk about A's mistake to other people so other will think bad about A and then they'll talk bad shits about A.

Isn't that the same as bullying? You said you hate bullying for God sake. Such a stubborn person. I think this is one of the reason why your date dumped you.

Third..............

You're so naive. You said you hate this person but you still hang out with that person. You hate how they behave, but right now.......you totally became one of them. You said you wouldn't do such a thing but you still doing it. You swore to me you'll be here when I'm having my bad times and need someone to share my stories, but guess what........yeah you know what happen. Don't you just want to shove this kind of person ass with a knife, put them in the oven, then push them to bunch of sharks? I would be so happy to do that to you :)

Fourth..........

I find it hard to trust you and you seem like you don't give a shit to any of my problems. I thought "friends" suppose to help each other's out, yes?. Whenever I wanted to tell you my problems, you suddenly tell your own problems and didn't give me time to tell mine. I just need 1 freakin minute, literally. Am I invisible to you?

Fifth............

Your ability of easily manipulating others. You do that so you can take advantages from them, and I feel pretty bad for them. I mean poor them, they actually want to be your puppet? Somebody need to open their eyes and guide them to a brighter place, like for real. You do this too so that others believe you were right and they were wrong all the time. Hello!!!!!! Its almost 2013, and rule that said:

      "Rule 1: I'm right and you're wrong. Rule 2: whenever I'm wrong, go back to the first rule"

Is gone. Poof. That is sooooo long ago, okay?

Sixth..............

You are so selfish. You always want to win. When others won, you mock them like "OMG, I thought we're friends. Friends suppose to help others, right? Not just win all by themself" It seems like you're planning on taking everybody down to the deepest darkest hole of misery, so when you're down everybody has to go down too. But when your turn to win on something, you go like "OMG I can't believe this, ahahahahaha ohh poor you, hope you win next time" dafuq bitch?! What is wrong with you and your attitude?!

Last................

When you're having trouble, you just cry and cry and beg to others to help you out when it seems like you handle it your own. You're such a diva who's trying so hard to get others attention. If you want to get attention, do it the right way, not like this

There are thounsands of reasons why I don't like you. But this post will be so looong. Hope you read this post, get my point.