1.2.13


Dear all,

I'm so sorry I'm the way I am.
I'm sorry that I push everyone away.
I'm sorry that I don't say much.
I'm sorry that I'm so difficult to figure out.
Too complicated for people to stay around.
Maybe that's why everyone ends up leaving me.
It has to be me.

I'm just sorry, I don't know why I'm like this honestly.
And I don't know how to change it.
I'm sorry that when you talk, I'm just silent.
Maybe I'm too caught up.
It's just beautiful when people speak, you know.
I get lost in your words and eyes.

I love listening.
I'd much rather listen than talk.
It probably seems like I don't care.
But maybe I care to much.
I'm so lost, I forget to speak.
But trust me, there's so much I want to say.
Maybe, hopefully I'll share it with you.
So please don't leave me.

Life's just lovely.
I don't know how to express that to you, or anyone in fact.
But I'm so sorry, I don't want to be weird.
My silence is speaking to you.
You probably don't understand that.
Just don't leave me.

Talk some more.
I'm listening :)

by Khloe Swan


So as usual, my ritual every friday night: open tumblr and just scroll up and down. You just always *well not always* find something that suits your feelings at the moment. Mine? as you can see from the some sort of poem or a letter above, kinda suits how I feel at the moment.

At some point I wanted to just give up and cry on the corner of the room, but then I realize "who cares if I'm crying anyway? It's like nobody caresif you're miserable, so I might as well be happy and pretend nothing bothers me". But you know what? it sucks being good all the time. People will keep on hurting you, maybe not physically but emotionally without feeling guilty.

So bottom line is, that's why when I'm sad or have something that bothers me I rarely tell that to anyone. Because to be honest I have a trust-issues. I'm so scared if I tell my secrets to someone who I thought I could trust but then he/she didn't keep it as a personal secret but as a public secret.

In the end, all I can say is sorry for not telling the truth about my own problems, secrets or anything else about me. I intend to keep it for myself. Forever